remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
