In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
