I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize