That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
