Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
