Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
