I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
