So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
