I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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