don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
