WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Are we still banned from the library?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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