Nicole vs. Life
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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