i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
