i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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