why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
third nipple confirmed
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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