I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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