singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
