Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
