I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
