It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
