i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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