bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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