apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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