Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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