You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
