here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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