I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
