Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
