I hate all girls vehemently.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
