3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
