I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize