I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i barfeds in our rink
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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