You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
