She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
