So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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