i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
