Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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