just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
