i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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