im about as happy as oj after his trial
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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