I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I love you. Go after that dick
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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