Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
