Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
