what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
