I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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