It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize