Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize