and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
