apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
