I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
