the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
