Someone shit on the floor
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
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