boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
