ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
