i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
