i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
