whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I should be sponsored by Trojan
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
