it's too hot outside to masturbate.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
