Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
