Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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