All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
