im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
