We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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