She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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