If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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