We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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