he thought i was a dude.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
