I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize