"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
just tell him i said nine months
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
