If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
