By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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