Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
