His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
