if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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