Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize