He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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