yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
