i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize