she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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