I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
