Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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