Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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