just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
