If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
