She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
