I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
