Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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