i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
