How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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