i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
