the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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