Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
