They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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