ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
