i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
