You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
