Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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