it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
