she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
