god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
