Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize