a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
