Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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