I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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