my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
