you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
