I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
