sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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