Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
