That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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