I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
