p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Please don't give away my fajitas
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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