Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I take back everything I said about communal showers
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
