I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
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