You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
